Friday, September 24, 2010

Some 17 years back

It was but another day.A simple,ordinary one with no great events,nothing. But what ensued, changed everything.The way things were,the way I viewed them and the way I viewed myself.

We all have this kind of a day in our lives. We recognize it or not is up to us.Sometimes we consciously do it, sometimes we fail to notice it, but it is there always.

I also had one, not recently but some 17 years back. That is indeed ages back so to say. I changed drastically for good or bad I don't know but I changed, I know that.
What happened which transformed me? Is that important to know? It may interest some, it may not. But yes the effect was massive.

The transition phase was kind of a hell. It was preparation time, the change was happening to prepare me for some difficult situations in life which included facing death of near and dear ones. Some betrayals, some hardships, some trials and some errors.

The upheaval continued for some time, made me strong, maybe too strong. I was not again the soft spoken,shy person I used to be. I liked the change in my persona. If you need to stabilize in life you have to keep your feet firmly on ground.Those tiptoeing and prancing around don't help in the long run.

The journey began, a height was reached, not to avoid what was below or to reach the top. I was there somewhere in the middle. Now that is a dangerous position when you are neither this side nor that. You fumble and ask yourself where you belong. You don't get an answer. Every one interprets you in their own way and they are right to do so.

So was the situation with me. I tried identifying with either side. I couldn't. Moreover my situation was just like a tree which was shaken with a storm, it was not uprooted, that would have been good, at least it would have known it has reached end. No it just bent at an angle. Now it was not standing tall, so couldn't look up at the sky neither it could associate itself with the ground.

The tree kept on swaying with each storm,I kept on enduring each obstacle. I didn't fall down, I didn't rise up.What an enviable situation I was in :) neither here not there.

Then again I realized the situation which I was in, was not so bad. Maybe it was my ignorance that I didn't realize it earlier. But yes gradually I started liking it, got comfortable. Life had its own plans though and as usual it never let me plan things.

I found myself again in the same situation which I was some 17 years back. This time though I had my maturity with me to tide over the difficulties I was facing. Will I change again, now what will happen?

Do I turn again in that soft spoken person who thought twice before speaking one sentence? Was it like I had to go back to square one? Is that ever possible?
My struggle or more correctly my self realization still continues.

The change happens but again am not realizing it. And it was all again in a day when nothing big happened, some small things, some usual events.

Days remain the same don't they, we change with them. Point is how much we realize that makes a whole lot of difference.

This blog can be a fiction, but what if it is a reality?