Where has the balance gone?

We are living life in a broadcast mode these days. Everything we do, feel, not feel, not do, not think or think has to be told to others. It is our duty to make everyone aware of what exactly is going on at this precise moment in our lives. Hidden agenda? The moment we hear that we think what is that. Why would anything be hidden at all?

Still we want our lives to be private. We want everyone to be aware of what is on there, but that's it. No one should try to analyze, be inquisitive or even react to what we dish out to them. It is as if we want control over others emotions.

Have we turned extroverts or getting more into a shell with our constant expression. Yes humans are supposed to be expressive, but the feelings were never designed to be expressed so much. Have they turned dry? Do we think too much, read between the lines only? Are we normal human beings?

Where has the balance gone? Where is the real me or you? Now we are an id and all the paraphernalia attached with it. It seems a layer has just come over us and the self has withdrawn itself somewhere within.
Sadly there is no way to come out of this and we have to continue like this. At best we can try to be more human. 

Oh to be in the wonderful world of Facebook!

To be in the Facebook world. You breathe a processed air. Is it fresh? I doubt so. The status updates, the likes, the shares and the comments all are like you are trying to prove a point about yourself. Listening in most of the cases takes a backseat. Who listens? Not even Facebook then why would you anyway? 

You do a post, and then you check how many likes and how many comments it received. You love when someone comments but you love it the most when that person supports what you said. But then that doesn't happen and then starts the arguments. Now this is the most interesting stage as more the exchange of words more the interest generated among people as your post gets popular. So do something to irritate people. You have it then. You will have the cake and eat it too. 

How much can you talk? There is a limit, so now you have to showoff. The pictures, yes about you, your world, your dreams and of course how well you visualize it. On Facebook I think the population of photographers is increasing at much rapid speed than any other professionals. Can we call them professionals in the first place? Well I would leave that to the experts who can shred the pictures and the photographers into pieces. After all that is not my job. 

Now we come to another phase. Dating, proposals, extra marital affairs and everything else. Yes why not social media means people and people mean feelings and feelings mean they will disperse here and there. That is the basic nature, no? How long can you keep it in a concentrated form? You have to dilute it. So you do that with flings and thrills and chills and spills. 

Amid all this some of us like to be there in every situation and still be detached with everything. We are a dangerous lot. We seem to be involved, but we never are. We keep on analyzing  but in the meanwhile we also get ourselves entangled in the web of Facebook. 

The thought always comes to our mind- Oh to be in the wonderful world of Facebook. How wonderful it is? That is another question, another topic, another discussion!

Musings of a troubled mind and a strong soul

It has always been simple for me to forget and move ahead. ‘Don’t take to heart’ was the motto and the more I tried doing that, the more I got entangled in a maze of emotions. I wanted to be strong at my own cost. I listened to my tragedy patiently and even participated in processes which were agonizing for me. Why did I do this to myself? That was because I was strong. I can endure anything and everything. That is what I thought and maybe happenings also thought the same way. 

I then decided to live in phases. One phase, one agony-when completed, prepare yourself for the next.  Deal with the emotional turmoil one at a time. If anything belonged to past, let it be there. Think of the present and tackle anything which is there now. If not , then just move ahead and don’t look back and think over what happened, what did not happen, why anything happened. I asked myself few questions when anything disturbed me. Have I done anything wrong? Is there anything which concerns the present? When the answers were not in the affirmative that was a signal for me, this is not something which I should be bothered at all.  Yes I am strong but that requires a lot of mental conditioning and it is not easy to be so but what can you do when there is no choice left? J

Life moves in a vacuum

I have been blank for a while. Somewhat drawn within a shell, dwelling in my own world. I did talk with everyone, but it was not the real me. How do I say that? I can, since I know the thoughts and the words raced from my mind and went outside just like you throw something out of the window. I didn't feel one with them, I couldn't identify with my thoughts as the heart had stopped playing any part in it.

Then does that mean we sometimes live superficially? Do we realize that or we continue thinking we have changed? Do we ever change or we just modify the way we interact with the outside world?So many questions are there in my mind. That means all these days, I don't have the count how many, I had gone blank? Why I decided to pen down my thoughts then? What inspired me to come out of my comfort zone and again try out something different. To reach out again with my thoughts and create an impression. Is that a craving to connect again in the way I wanted with the outside world or is it that I am now too bored with the idea of I, me and myself?

We live life in different compartments. Sometimes some of that gets too hot or cold for our comfort. Then we being self centered beings immediately rush to another zone to be comfortable. It hardly matters to us how we responded to others in the process. They too stop bothering about us or it can be that first they got blank, so we followed suit. Life still keeps on moving in a vaccum...

A day between the real and the unreal

It was just another day, some usual moments interspersed with fun and laughter. Suddenly it changed at night. The pattern, the features which gave the day the definition of being monotonous kind of cooperated with one another to make it a day which you would not forget in a hurry. It was not bad neither it was good, it had those shades of gray which have the dangerous intention to mix things.

The thoughts which came in a loop, suddenly collided with each other. The feelings confused the soul. The mind raced beyond the realm of reality and stretched its domain to the unreal. The being found itself transfixed on edge, where it didn't know where to step and where not.

It was not a calamity, but the apocalypse could be sensed. The real world's flimsy cover which clogged the minds was lifting, the unreal which was actually the truth was shining beyond the darkness.

How can a simple event have such a tremendous effect? How humanity would sense it? Everything apparently was normal, why would anyone bother about what may happen. There was no conclusive proof that change was coming.

Was that a dream or a figment of my imagination, I did not know. I had no authenticated documents to prove my theory, which was now gradually becoming a reality which at least I could sense. I got support from like minded people, very few in number.

I could see, my emotions, thought process all were not guided by events in reality. There were somethings which were happening beyond. If I had tears in my eyes, if I got angry or was happy, I always did not find reasons which triggered these responses.

Was all this my ESP or I was just thinking too much. Did I need a break? Break from what, mundane or the eventful days? Questions were many but I never got any answers because I knew they were not to be found in the real world. I knew this but how to convince others in seeing what I was sensing. For them matter was something which had mass. Why anyone will believe in something abstract. I thought to let it loose.

I decided I will not convince anyone. Let me take up a formula where two plus two would be four but something would be added up in the unreal world as well...The reverie was broken.

Ishika looked blankly at the sky. She had just finished her coffee, she never knew how these thoughts came up to her. Suddenly the sky started changing color. From blue to red to purple, multiple hues, in sync with each other. She got up and decided to venture out and witness this celestial phenomenon. But she did not find the ground to put her feet on. She then realized, sky was where she was actually there and the ground was lost.

The Soul in Dilemma

The soul cried in agony,
The silence never heard it,
It waited for at least a whisper,
Which was nowhere to be heard.

It thought for a while,
And then screamed loudly,
Blood and feelings,
Both drained out from its heart.

Heart? But did it have a heart?
Where was it?
Why it never realized it was there?

The sorrow, the sadness aroused it.
Made it aware it was a living soul,
Not a dead one...

It wanted to live,
Live for one it loved,
Live for the moments which brought happiness,
But was that to be?

It had already started walking on the path which led to end,
Soon everything which attracted it will vanish,
It won't die but its persona would.
The truth was ruthless.
It somehow killed it.

The soul kept on thinking,
How to convey to everyone,
It was about to leave,
And that it deserved,
What it wished for.

But who was listening to it?
Not a soul, not a whisper,
It craved for someone to talk to,
The silence was tearing it to pieces.

Was it preparing for the end?
Or it has finished and this was the end.
The path which it was walking on,
Did that take it to the end?
Or this was the journey of death?

But then how it can still feel?
How thoughts still came to its mind?
Why pain still brought tears?
Why anger still disturbed it?

Was it dead but living?
Or living but dead?
The dilemma continued...

The soul decided it will live,
Live on its own terms,
Love in its own way,
Tears, smiles, laughter all will come,
But they would on its own.
It will not ask for anything now.
Since it stopped asking for life,
And it never asked for death....

The Breakup

The stone was lying like that,
Unattended, discarded, forgotten,
The wind sometimes hurled abuse at it,
The rain drops cursed themselves when they fell on it,
The sun and the moon were its only companion
But it didn’t pay much heed to their existence,
They only added the difference it wanted.

One day it decided to change,
The stone thought it will greet anyone who looks its way,
It did not know what care was,
So if anyone looked at it,
That was quite important.

Then that day the earth decided to release its pressure,
The creations were destroyed,
The trees, the river, the flowers, the creatures all shrieked in fear.
The stone was happy.

It didn’t know why, but it was.
It broke into two,
It could see itself,
The agony of solitude was gone,
It had some company.

The sun came out again,
Life limped back to where it was,
But the life of the stone was changed forever…